five-eight

Give this a listen while you read.

five months and eight days ago I had to transform back from hermana denison to merrit. i had to start wearing pants and using hashtags as a regular form of speech. I wonder how it's possible that so much time has gone by...and sometimes I find myself wondering when this tornado life I've gotten myself into is going to chill out. Life since the mission has been...confusing. 

Some days I've cried more than I'd like to admit.

Other days I've felt empty, both in heart and mind.

And then there are those times when I can't wipe that dumb grin off my face and the excited butterflies keep multiplying in my stomach.

I've spent a good amount of time learning about love...both from the absence of it and the overwhelming presence of it. And I've found out that love is a lot harder and a lot simpler than most of us make it up to be.

I've defined myself and redefined myself and thrown all that out the window and felt very...personality-naked (it's a new phrase. just go with it.)

There have been occasions of silliness and outdoorsiness and dance-partyness and just-being-alone...ness.

And there's been plenty of remembering and missing and looking forward to good things to come. (sometimes it seems like those good things are taking a lot longer than they ought to. faith is hard sometimes.)

This weekend, general conference reminded me of the thousand things I miss about serving as a missionary. Elder Nelson's talk made my heart ache to be sitting on a hard bench next to a family of investigators, seeing and hearing the prophet of God for the first time in their lives. 

I don't mean to sound like a crybaby returned missionary who just wants to go back. I'm happy I served, and I'm happy to be living my life here too. It just takes adjusting and guess what else...I think I'm allowed to miss things once in a while. 

Also I'm so thrilled for the girls who can go at 19 and the boys who can go right out of high school. I can't wait to see them change the world and change themselves. How rad is it that Heavenly Father trusts His kids enough to send out teenagers into the world with the most important message the world will ever hear? This changes everything. I couldn't be more excited.