on being insecure

*yes, i am aware that this post is a novel. no, i won't cry if you don't read it. yes, i do hope that you'll at least watch the video linked at the bottom


I don't think it's unusual to grow up as a kid with insecurities. (Or...maybe it is and I'm about to talk about a bunch of things that have only happened to me.)

Maybe a boy in 3rd grade called you fat. Or a teacher sent you to detention for something you didn't even do. A parent (jokingly) threatened to give you up for adoption. Perhaps you were that kid who couldn't scale the wall at the ropes course and failed your entire team. Or you slobbered all over the place while saying your line at the 4th grade class performance because you just got braces the day before. (Insert your own crisis here).

We all have this basic human need to feel secure about things -- our relationships, our self-image, our life circumstances. When that security is challenged, life appears to be completely out of control.

I don't claim to know the origin of insecurities nor do I understand entirely how they develop over time. What I do know is that at some point we come to believe certain things about ourselves.

Perhaps I really am overweight. Maybe I am an idiot because I can't do my homework on my own. I could never be a performer because I always do something awkward in front of people. 

And then suddenly it happens. We look in the mirror and see a giant blob. We quit trying in school. We refuse to play sports that are beyond our comfort zone. It goes on and on and on, and the more it does, the more we believe those things to be true about ourselves. We hate believing them and hate that they've become a destructive part of our lives. Suddenly insecurities tear apart the most important human relationship we have: the one with ourselves.

When you're not friends with yourself it doesn't matter how many people tell you how exemplary you are. "You have an incredible smile." "You are insanely intelligent." "You are so good at ______."  These things mean nothing to someone who has told themselves those things are not true for so long. Everyone has a different reaction to not being friends with themselves: perfectionism, depression, to-hell-with-everything attitudes, the comparison game, etc etc etc. I think most people deal with a combination of many things.

So the question is how do you change a belief that has shaped your identity or perspective for so long?

For me, the answer has come through realizing who I truly am: a daughter of the most kind/powerful/loving/merciful/incredible being in the entire universe. The more I come to understand and develop my relationship with God, the more I see who I really am -- not the distorted version I have developed over time and through experience.

I very much believe that we can change the negative view of ourselves, whether it be through changing thought patterns, bad habits, social groups, or whatever else it is that brings pain/discouragement/frustration/darkness into our lives. That change comes as we nourish ourselves with goodness from a loving Savior who can heal us and restore us.

This guy says it better than I can. Watch it. Seriously.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kbgg7OT3TI&feature=c4-overview-vl&list=PL4E784EC0770935C0