on journaling

Please take a trip with me back to elementary school, the time in life where everyone smells weird, kids get married by the swings at recess, you have to hide the fact that you still watch Barney in the 1st grade, and the most dramatic thing that happens to you is your mom yelling at you during Saturday chore day.

Oh yeah, and the best day of your life was parachute day during PE.

Sometimes I have flashbacks of making giant nests of freshly cut grass during recess and horrible spelling tests and beating the 5th graders in soccer. But I've entirely forgotten what it felt like to be 10.

The good news is I have this small obsession with journal writing. I guess it started when I was very young. Once I won a coloring contest at Fred Meyer and got a diary as a prize. Except I called it a diarrhea because I could never remember the real word.

Reading about my life through those 10 year old eyes is such a unique (and hilarious) experience. Probably more hilarious than that is reading what my middle school self had to say. Our memories always change over time. Many things are forgotten. Especially the feelings. Discovering my old journals this week reminded me why I'm glad I started writing and why I'll continue to write. Even the mundane things...especially the mundane things. I'm glad I didn't just make a list of what happened to me each day. I wrote about what I thought and what I felt and how I saw the world. I like going back and getting back inside that naive head of mine.

Please enjoy a few excerpts from my childhood diarrhea. I mean diary. Journal. Whatever.

May 20, 2000: "i feel like my life is all a scribble right now. i used to be so sure about what i wanted in life, but now i'm completely clueless!! HELP!!"  ...Um. Really? I was 10. Perhaps this explains a lot about me now.

 October 29, 2000: "as you guessed i started 5th grade. my teacher's name is Mrs. Christensen. She's an old lady that doesn't even try to be funny. It is soooo boring! There is this one kid that is so hot! His name is Chris. He just bleached his hair & it's so cute. He is really good at kick soccer too!" ...I guess it didn't take much to impress me.

November 9, 2000: "Well, there she goes again! My mom just blew up at me for no reason, AGAIN! I just want her to leave me alone! Is that too much to ask or something? I guess it is for her. If she comes down here then I will not take any of her crap. I'm so sick of her grouchy-ness!" ...oh, preteen angst, how I love thee.

July 4, 2001: "yesterday I shaved my legs w/out my mom no-ing. When she found out, she wuzint exactly mad, in fact, she didn't really care. That night my legs hurt way Bad. I sorta wish I wouldn't have done it. Now I'm realizing I will haveta shave 'um 4 the rest of my life." ...this entry was preceded by a note to my future self: "When I have a daughter, rember to show her when she is this old." Dear future daughter, don't ever shave your legs! Hippie life 4ever!

August 27, 2002: "If you want hot, I'll give ya hot...Jameson. Oh yeah. Thats hot. I heart him. So...I've never actually spoken to him, but I still think he's hot!" ...Yes. So hot right now.


Do yourself a favor. Write. Even if it is about that hot boy with bleached hair or going to Leatherby's with your bffs.