I don't think I have ever felt so overwhelmed in my entire life. Whoever invented college was kind of a loser for making it so complicated and stressful. I'm not overly concerned about the workload or anything...it's mostly just trying to figure out life all on my own. I feel like everyone here knows what they're doing and I am just absolutely lost all the time. I know this might just be my perception of things--I'm sure most people are just faking it too, but they seem to be doing a much better job at it than me.
Today I went and talked to the advisement center at the business school because that's my major-of-the-week. For quite some time I thought I wanted to study sociology. Upon further thought and analysis, I realized a few things. First of all, I don't even really know what the heck sociology is. And secondly, there are no jobs in sociology. Duh. I'm not really sure what I was thinking with that one, but whatever. Anyway, I just changed my major a couple weeks ago to pre-management with the hope of getting into Business Management with an emphasis in Marketing. In order to be accepted into the business program, you have to complete several prerequisites (like Stats, Accounting, Calc, etc).
I decided to drop my Latin American Studies since it has nothing to do with anything and take Stats instead. I talked to an adviser at the business school and she was super nice and very helpful. The only downside is that now I am more confused than ever before.
I thought I was doing good to be all done with my associate’s degree right out of high school…but now I’m almost wishing I hadn’t. I mean, I have no doubt that I’m at an advantage in most ways, but at the same time it sucks because now I am supposed to go right into my major and blah blah blah. I don’t really feel like I’m saving much time because of these stupid prereqs anyway.
I keep second-guessing every decision I’ve made and feel completely lacking in confidence in every aspect of life—academic, social, spiritual, and so on. I’m not confident in my ability to do well in my classes or make friends and so on. It’s pretty crappy.
The root of all this lame-ness is most likely my utter hatred of change. Don't get me wrong--I absolutely love having new experiences and all the learning and growing that comes with it...but the first little bit sucks no matter what. I guess I just take longer than most to adjust to new things.
Today I was thinking about how people say that college is the best time of their lives and blah blah blah. If this is all I have to look forward to then it will be a very sad, pathetic life I will lead in the future. Perhaps I do need to be more outgoing and get involved in every little thing (folk dancing team, here I come!)...but really I'd rather just be myself. It's worked pretty well for the last 18 years, so hopefully it gets me through now :) I just don't feel like I'm having a blast really at all. Please bless this changes with time, because if not, I'd rather just move home and watch The Ellen DeGeneres Show and Man vs. Wild all day.
6 comments:
Can I copy and paste this into my blog? Because this is exactly how I feel (minus the Latin American studies). I especially agree with the very end. That sounds a lot better than college.
I always have a hard time with change too! When we moved to Saratoga for a full month Lee thought his wife had turned into psycho PMS lady! But after adjusting, things do get easier. Seriously, I had a hard time going to college too and I went to little Ephraim at least you have stores and stuff. Anyways, once I got used to it, I loved it and it really was the funnest time of my life. You will hopefully get there soon! You are amazing because you have more credits than me and I am going to start school in the spring (U of U) so now we are going to be rivals! But pushing that aside, I am so terrified and unsure of all the schooling I have ahead of me. I honestly wish more than anything I could go back to High School and re-do it with college credit! I love you and so does Lee and so does Owen. I hope Owen turns out just like you! :)
oh and ps I really don't live too far away and to be honest, I don't do a whole lot during the day so if you ever want to get out or go somewhere or go to Sonic for happy hour or anything at all, just call me and I will be happy to come on down and hang out for a bit! It would be good for me to get out too!
May I suggest professional blogging as a possible future career for you. I am very impressed with your literary talent to put your thoughts and feelings in words. And I feel like I can empathize with you in many ways. Embrace being an introvert...and tell the world they are wrong for placing introverts below extroverts in the social scheme of things. It is very funny the difference of perception that we have about ourselves compared to the perception that other people have about us. I totally look up to you...you are so smart, funny, beautiful, talented, motivated, driven, patient, creative...etc... I've always wanted to play the piano like you....to learn the guitar like you, to have a perfect smile like you, to have grades like you, and brains like you, to be witty like you and on top of that you have a very desirable fashion sense. Can we hang out sometime?
Merrit,
You're my greatest hero. I promise, things will get easier once you get settled in. College can be "the best of times and the worst of times", and it's funny how the same day can bring both. Hang in there, and know you are loved!
I'm always here with a listening ear-- and a great meal if you need one.
Love,
Mom
man merrit! I told you, you are an amazing writer and person! I love you!!
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